i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You took a bar mat shot.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
