He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
