I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
