There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
