i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
