roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
