Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
