No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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