i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
sarcasm needs its own font
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
