She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
