no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
