he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize