goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
