before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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