she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
