Welp...herpes.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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