I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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