I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
