he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize