i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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