My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
