If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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