My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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