he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
