I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
