I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
