I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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