sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
