well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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