I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
