I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
