Your tits are I can't wait for
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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