she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
