Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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