Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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