i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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