she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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