Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
