This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
