I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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