38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
