I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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