i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
