Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
