Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
