Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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