Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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