someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize