:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
