There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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