new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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