Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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