Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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