no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
