is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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