Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think I died a long time ago.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
