Im at strip club and am horny
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
