I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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