So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize