I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
