Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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