vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
