did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
