Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
