so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
please come you make the beer taste better
he was CRYING into my vagina
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
