eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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