At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
