no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
