I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I need a burrito and a hug.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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