just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Randomize
