If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize