I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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