I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
