In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
