i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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