dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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