He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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