so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
