If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
