oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
