Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
false alarm. still invincible.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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