yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
