By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize