foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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