whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's blow job season.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
