i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize