There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
