she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
