After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
