Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
