you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
