Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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