Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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