doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
