I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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