I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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