This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
