I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
MIDGETS
????
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize